I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
