Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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