Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
