Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Two words: blizzard sex
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
