I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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