i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
