white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
