if i can run in heels then i can drive
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
