Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
