if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
