this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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