dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
