last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
