It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
