im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
