Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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