it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
