i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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