a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
