i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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