I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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