sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
