last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
my being single is dangerous.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
