I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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