Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
