I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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