i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
