Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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