just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
