how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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