he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
