Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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