Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
