I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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