hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
