i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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