So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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