Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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