i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
