as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
