Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
