Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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