We got so high we made milksteak
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
