I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
