Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
