oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
