i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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