The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
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