WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
