Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm like, not good at living.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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