You really coming over, don't trick.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
