I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
